The last couple days I have contemplated my blog...
what I WANT it to be...
or...
NEED it to be.
I have decided this little bit of blog world is MINE.
I have decided that all though you will see many, many crafts...I also want to share ME with you!
I am more then crafts...I do live a crazy, busy life like the rest of you...and so...occasionally I want to share it with you!
So...I NEED to share this.
I NEED to write it and hope that it may bring peace!
This weekend...I experience a WORST nightmare.
It was BAD.UGLY.HORRIBLE.
It started off wonderful! My husband and I were traveling 2 1/2 hours to attend our temple.
It was going to be a great day...until...
we got there...
and I went in only to find I would miscarry my baby...
SHOCK.NUMBNESS.TEARS.ANGER.
This is the second time in a row. According to the doc I now have a HISTORY.
I hate that word.
That was not my world...just 2 1/2 years ago I had a history of having baby after baby...that was the good shock...I guess now I must experience the bad.
The last few days have been nothing pleasant.
Going to sit in the same green room with the same sweet doc to get the same news as last time.
Having the nurse ask if I have had all my prenatal blood drawn...hmmm....I don't need it...
Lucky me I get to go back in 2 weeks...
not to get testing done though...
I have 3 kids...so...
I don't fit the category for testing...I have to have more miscarriages then kids I guess...it really stinks...
HOWEVER, let me switch sides...
I have never felt the tender hand of the Lord so apparent before.
I have never tasted of this sweet fruit.
For some reason...this must be...I have growing to still do.
We are after all being tested.
My thoughts are to just endure...to learn to be happy... to have courage and strength to do HIS will...despite my circumstances.
All though I long so badly for a baby...I must wait...I must grow...so until I get that blessed day
I will wait...I will grow...and I will try to be the mom I need to be.
I am grateful to see the Lord's hand in the people around me...my husband, my family, my friends.
So...with one request...will you please pray for me...
I need to be sustained!
Thank you for reading this if you have made it to the end. I know it is not pleasant...but after all...
It is MY garden of eden.
Thank you dear friends!
what I WANT it to be...
or...
NEED it to be.
I have decided this little bit of blog world is MINE.
I have decided that all though you will see many, many crafts...I also want to share ME with you!
I am more then crafts...I do live a crazy, busy life like the rest of you...and so...occasionally I want to share it with you!
So...I NEED to share this.
I NEED to write it and hope that it may bring peace!
This weekend...I experience a WORST nightmare.
It was BAD.UGLY.HORRIBLE.
It started off wonderful! My husband and I were traveling 2 1/2 hours to attend our temple.
It was going to be a great day...until...
we got there...
and I went in only to find I would miscarry my baby...
SHOCK.NUMBNESS.TEARS.ANGER.
This is the second time in a row. According to the doc I now have a HISTORY.
I hate that word.
That was not my world...just 2 1/2 years ago I had a history of having baby after baby...that was the good shock...I guess now I must experience the bad.
The last few days have been nothing pleasant.
Going to sit in the same green room with the same sweet doc to get the same news as last time.
Having the nurse ask if I have had all my prenatal blood drawn...hmmm....I don't need it...
Lucky me I get to go back in 2 weeks...
not to get testing done though...
I have 3 kids...so...
I don't fit the category for testing...I have to have more miscarriages then kids I guess...it really stinks...
HOWEVER, let me switch sides...
I have never felt the tender hand of the Lord so apparent before.
I have never tasted of this sweet fruit.
For some reason...this must be...I have growing to still do.
We are after all being tested.
My thoughts are to just endure...to learn to be happy... to have courage and strength to do HIS will...despite my circumstances.
All though I long so badly for a baby...I must wait...I must grow...so until I get that blessed day
I will wait...I will grow...and I will try to be the mom I need to be.
I am grateful to see the Lord's hand in the people around me...my husband, my family, my friends.
So...with one request...will you please pray for me...
I need to be sustained!
Thank you for reading this if you have made it to the end. I know it is not pleasant...but after all...
It is MY garden of eden.
Thank you dear friends!
Love, you Abbi! This must be so hard for you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do! You are in my prayers right now. Thank you for sharing what you are going through. Here's a cyber hug from me!
ReplyDeleteAbbi my heart and prayers are with you! I experienced this as well in August when we lost our baby Gabe. It's really hard. Even having gone through it myself I still don't have the right words to say. My only advice is try to do something positive to remember your babies by. I started Gabe's Gifts (a blanket drive for Project Linus) and just knowing that his name is going to be associated with good instead of sadness has helped so much! Maybe you can do something special on your due date to help someone else or plant some flowers (if it stops being so yucky out!). I really hope you find some way to find peace and know that your babies are in good hands.
ReplyDeleteAmanda
Abbi-Abbi. I'm so sorry. I wish I could come over to Indiana and snuggle up on the couch with you and tuck us into a blanket for a snuggle and a cry. I am so far away, huh? But I will certainly pray for you. I hope you feel that, on top of all the other things you're already feeling. Love you, sweet.
ReplyDeleteLove you Abbi.
ReplyDeleteAbbi... know my thoughts and prayers are with you...Huggies! Vicki
ReplyDeleteOh hon, I love you so much. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll definitely add you to my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear that, that is definitely hard to go through. We lost our first little girl. I truly hope you can be comforted and find the strength you need. ♥
ReplyDeleteI know this is a tough time for you and your husband. The Lord works in mysterious ways; sometimes we may never find out why. We too have lost a baby and then we had 2 27 weekers. Trust in the Lord and in his time it will work out. I will be praying for you and your little family.
ReplyDelete